Communication Is Receiver Defined-Part Duex-What Are You Really Saying?

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I hope many of you had the chance to catch my post last Friday about the importance of our non-verbal communication being on board with our verbal communication, and how this is especially important when it comes to leadership and sales. As promised, only a day off, I wanted to talk about gestures today, and how those gestures may read to others around us.

As I said on Friday, certain gestures say that you are self-confident and a leader. We’ll talk about a few of them here.

1. Head, Face and Eye Movements
If you’re moving your head, face, and eyes toward other person and giving them your full attention, it works wonders. Have you ever been in a meeting in a public area and had the person you’re meeting with constantly looking around the room (are you looking for someone better?)? It’s like, “HELLO!! Am I not important??” It’s not cool, and I most likely would not want to meet with you again. Pay attention to your employees and your clients. It comes back around.

Good eye contact-When this is on, a person tends to interpret your message more favorably. This also works in group settings.

2. Posture
This, in my opinion is one of the most obvious signs of self-confidence and leadership ability.
Standing up straight generally reflects self-confidence whereas stooping, slouching, or anything of that nature reflects poor self image.
Leaning in towards other the person also indicates interest and curiosity in what they have to say…and people like to be heard, right?? I know I do.

3. Body Position and Personal Space
If you’re standing way close (I’ve heard within 18”), this may be interpreted as confidence or brashness. Or this could also be perceived as intimidating or harassing. Depending on the person, it’s a close call. Be yourself, but also allow others their own space. Plus, if you’re that close to me, please make sure you’ve had a tic-tac. :-) We’ve found 1 ½ – 4 feet away is best for projecting face to face leadership. I personally am a toucher. If we’re having a conversation, it’s not unlike me to touch your arm or pat you or something. (Just so you all know.)
Anyway, anything beyond 4 feet may be perceived as shying away.

And the last thing for today…although this is geared more toward verbal communication and leadership:

4. Voice Quality and Tone
People often put more significance on the way you say something than what it is that you are saying. How many people can relate to this? A forceful voice with consistent tone suggests power, control, and confidence, but there is a balance here between matter-of-fact, and dominence. You should take the time to get to know how your employees or clients usually take things. Or, begin with a softening statement. There have been times when my amazing boss has said, “Now, don’t take this the wrong way…blah, blah, blah.” (I’m bracing myself, right?) But then I hear what she’s saying and most of the time, I agree with her totally. But the most important part, is even though I may not be that sensitive, she cares about me. And it truly gives me confidence and I make sure to do my best.
On the flipside, a whispery, wimpy voice detracts from a person sounding confident and being able to take charge.
Whining, nagging, and complaining tones annoy people. (Nothing is more irritaing then a whiner. I have a 5-year old. This is a challenge. I certainly don’t want to hear that in a work environment.)

If you’re concerned about the way you’re coming across, get a voice recorder. Listen to yourself. I know that may not sound practical, but if there have been past issues and confrontaions, it would be worth it to see if there is something going on with you that you may not be aware of.

Okay, that’s it for now. More later on this week.